Gray-out

Bright sunlight streams through the open blinds,
But it’s dim in here.
The spring wind rushes through the trees and around the house,
But I’m surrounded by nagging whispers.
It’s early afternoon, and we’ve just had lunch,
The clouds are looming closer all the time.
My husband has been ill and is recovering, feeling chatty,
But I can barely respond.
I treasure our talks about books and brains and plain old bullshit,
But today I can’t.
The room is peaceful and quiet, our dogs snoozing on the carpet.
I am a storm, building to some terrible climax.
I stare out the window at the sunny day, trying to dispel my own turmoil,
I feel as if I may fly into millions of tiny particles.
I look at my hands, so still in my lap.
Why are they not trembling?
How can everything appear so normal?
How, when I am caught in this maelstrom?
My face smiles at my husband’s joke,
While I try to hold on a little longer.
The minutes tick by, the hours compress more and more.
I can’t ask for help. I can’t describe the terror…
I tell myself there is nothing to fear, yet I can’t escape.
So I wait. I keep breathing.
The meds will kick in soon. I’ve been here before and survived.
I find the strength to walk out on the porch, let the sun touch my skin.
The good, strong wind begins to punch through my darkness.
Fifteen, twenty minutes. There, the cold, murky fog is subsiding.
The whispers retire to some dark place, to wait for the next storm.
I’ve made it through. Once again, I’ve run the gauntlet of panic, and come out
Alive.

Perspective

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About Gail

I'm married with 2 grown kids and their spouses. We have 3 adopted fur babies! I'm retired and spend my time crocheting, knitting, reading novels, writing, and gardening. I have a couple of chronic illnesses, so life can be challenging. I do my best to meet the challenges head on! This blog is where I can share different things that I learn along the way, as well as stories I make up! Thanks for joining me!
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2 Responses to Gray-out

  1. Wow. Very powerfully written. Just wow. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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